I wouldn’t be Tidy Dad if it weren’t for Marie Kondo.

Marie Kondo was recently quoted as saying she has “kind of given up” on tidying. That quote grabbed headlines. But what did it truly mean?

Five years ago, my wife and I completed a thorough home tidying journey using the books “Tidying Up” and “Spark Joy”.

It all started with The Great Bedroom Flip (if you haven’t read that story, you might want to start there, and then come back to this one!).

Switching Bedrooms

Our family lives in a two-bedroom, 750-square-foot apartment in NYC. When our older daughters were two years old and nine months old, I decided to switch bedrooms with them, letting them share the largest bedroom. Switching bedrooms with our girls was a monumental task. It was the start of a tidying process that invited my wife and I to confront all of the material possessions in our home.

But at the beginning of the project, I basically imploded our apartment.

Marie Kondo helped us put it back together. 

Confronting the Mess

After walking into our apartment and seeing the mess I’d created, Emily tried to help me sort items. I’m a teacher and my wife is a pediatric occupational therapist. We were used to designing systems for kids, supporting them to independently complete tasks, and organizing learning spaces. Yet this complex puzzle of how to organize our apartment for our young daughters felt completely overwhelming. It quickly became clear that we’d need help.

We’d both heard the name Marie Kondo and were familiar with her books, but had never read them. The mess triggered Emily’s memory and she said, “I’m going to go check out that tidying book from the library.”

There was a lot going on in our lives at the time. We had two young daughters, ages two and under. We were deliriously sleep deprived. I was also in the midst of making sense of my professional life at school. Emily’s sister had recently been diagnosed with cancer. It was like piles of messes, some of our own making and others not, were cluttering our mental, emotional, and physical spaces.  

Emily walked out of the apartment, went to the library, and returned with “Spark Joy” by Marie Kondo.

Her writing inspired us to make a specific plan for how to proceed. Sometimes the right books enter our lives at just the right time. “Spark Joy” was that book for us. Marie Kondo gave us a structure and order to follow, and a sense of control that we desperately needed.

How Marie Kondo Helped 

There are two defining philosophies of Marie Kondo‘s books that were instrumental in making our great bedroom flip successful. 

1. Tidy in the right order (by following the correct order of categories)
2. Name for yourself what sparks joy (and let go of the rest)
   

This tidying philosophy can apply in whatever season of life you find yourself in, and it was very helpful to us. Let’s go on a Marie Kondo philosophy deep dive! 

TIDY IN THE RIGHT ORDER 

“How do I get started with tidying?”

I’ve been asked that question via DM thousands of times. I have Marie Kondo to thank for providing the answer. The answer is, you start by tidying in the right order. 

In Marie Kondo’s books, she outlines the following tidying order:

• Clothing
• Books
• Paper
• Komono (miscellaneous items)
• Sentimental items

Tidying in the right order is essentially saying that you work in a developmental progression. You start with items that are easiest to tidy, and work towards progressively more difficult categories. Along the way, you learn things about yourself, you hone your decision making abilities, and you determine what items spark joy.

Clothing is the first category of items, because clothing is personal to the individual wearing the items. Tidying clothing invites you to define for yourself what clothing you want to keep, and what clothing you want to move out.

As I learned, when tidying your clothing, it’s best not to listen to the input of others. This is a time to listen to your inner thoughts and opinions. With a bit of practice, it’s possible to clearly define for yourself what items bring joy and what items don’t. The result is immediate, and impacts you every day as you choose what to wear, from only the clothing that you feel good wearing.

NAME FOR YOURSELF WHAT SPARKS JOY 

Emily and I soon had a mountain of clothing ready to donate. We were able to begin the process of organizing our new closets and making our smaller bedroom a comfortable space for us to share.

Then we were ready to tackle other categories of items. We worked together to edit our books, then paper, then komono, and finally sentimental items. We created organizational systems that have made our apartment sustainable for our family.

Maintenance Phase

Our goal is not to have a “picture perfect” home. We have had to determine for ourselves what is “just enough” in each category of items. We keep the items that we need and use and that spark joy, and have let go of the rest. Marie Kondo’s books gave us the framework for tidying items, and now we have been able to move on the maintenance phase.

One year after starting our tidying journey, the show “Tidying Up with Marie Kondo” launched on Netflix. We heard many people say that this method is not realistic with kids. We knew that it was.

It is true that kids are constantly growing and changing. Their development needs and interests are also changing. As new items come into your home, it is important to give them a designated space. It is also important to have an ongoing practice for moving unused items out.

Tidying With Kids

Marie Kondo was recently quoted as saying she has “kind of given up” on tidying. That quote grabbed headlines. But what did it truly mean?

Here’s a closer look at the Marie Kondo quote in context: “Up until now, I was a professional tidier, so I did my best to keep my home tidy at all times. I have kind of given up on that in a good way for me. Now I realize what is important to me is enjoying spending time with my children at home. My home is messy, but the way I am spending my time is the right way for me at this time.”

The Marie Kondo Quote

Here’s how her quote resonated with us:

Our home is lived in. We have three young children. Our children play in our home.

The fact that the Marie Kondo quote says she has “kind of given up” on having her “home tidy at all times”, does not mean that her philosophies are ineffective or unhelpful.

In fact, her message can allow us all to take a collective sigh of relief. The Marie Kondo quote is not putting pressure on us to be perfect, and we don’t need to put that pressure on ourselves either. No one’s home is perfectly tidy 100% of the time.

The items in our home do not always stay in one place, which can make our home appear “untidy”.

Although our home is not ALWAYS tidy, that does not mean that our home is ALWAYS a mess.

Our Tidying Goal

Personally, we have never had a goal of always having all of our items tidied away at all times. Again, we live in our home and we use our items. And yet, we do have a designated place to put items away when they are finished being used. We can do a reset of all items back to their places as needed.

Our goal is not “always tidy”, but “easily tidied”. I think Marie Kondo would agree.

We launched the Instagram page @tidydad to share our family’s tidying journey. We also share tips for developing your own systems, rhythms, and routines for tidying, cleaning, and organizing.

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